She's It

She's all around me. I smell her in my sleep. My tired eyes view hers and I smile even though I feel sleepy and my head is sore. She kisses me on the cheek and I'm grinning like a contented child. She's everything to me and more. I'll be honest. I never dreamed she existed. I never dreamed we'd get this far.

After the rain falls the the sun pokes it's cheerful head out of the reluctant clouds I gaze skyward and think of her. It's only in these moments I realise her true beauty. She's the feeling making me gulp huge lumps of nothing into my throat and the reason I'm blinking with cold water making my vision blurry.

My dreams are always reminiscent of my love though my fears take grasp of this alternate reality and run amuck. It's not enough to want her. I need her close to me like fresh air or flowers in otherwise empty fields. I could breathe her in all day. When she's angry I cherish her. When she's loving it puts a light on somewhere deep inside of me. She knows this because I tell her. I love her so much and nothing can ever challenge or conquer that. Nothing will ever beat that feeling.

You'll Find Out

There's a darkness in me. There's a sizzling cesspit buried deep within me. Here I keep my hate and my anger. It's only in the most desperate times I let the raving beast within me free. Only chosen people see this foul monster, this withering temperament.

With pupils widening I run forth towards the group of onlookers. I'm tearing out strands of my hair and leaping through the air towards their shuffling steps, their terrified faces.
'Let this be the end of this' I scream and flick out my hands as claws spring from the tips of my fingers like bloody polished daggers.


I open my watery blue eyes and stare upwards at the blue sky. The sun is dazzling. I can barely see it. I stare at my hands. It's the dreams again. I'm so glad they're not real. What would happen if I really did hurt those people?

It dawns on me that the paradise I live in seems vast. I'm skipping along with a big grin on my face and wondering what to do. Maybe I'll make daisy chains and eat butter scones and play in the grass.

I'm skipping through the woods, my blue denim jeans falling down from my waist. I tie the loop of white string to keep them up. Why is there no-one here?

It grips me like a hurricane. The shaking leaves of the quivering bush resemble my own fear as the tall man steps out. He walks towards me as I gasp open mouthed.
'Take this' he says, passing me a single claw. I stare up at him as he chuckles like a friendly giant. 'It seems dreams aren't all poppycock like we'd choose to believe' he tells me.

I'm looking at the claw. As I look up I ask
'What does this me...' He's gone. The trees around me quake and the wind blows my blond hair awry. What does it mean?

Training for a Marathon

James and I set off on our journey with smiling faces. James rode the racer and I took charge of the road bike. We laughed and joked riding through Endcliff Park. We knew the laughs would soon be over as we hit the hills.

My legs burned and the small of my back ached as we trudged upwards towards the peak of the hill. I didn't know how long the hill was so when James arrived at the top I gleefully shouted
'I'm so relieved, that could have been a mountain for all I knew.'

It was a steady climb into Derbyshire and my whole body felt like it'd been cooked in an oven. We arrived at Higgar Tor and took a photo. Now the fun part was really starting. The ride back was a swift ten minute downhill race. We screamed and shouted all the way down.

Next Sunday we will make it to The Ladybower Damn. It's all great training for the marathon we will run next year.

Accidental Discoveries

I learned a lot today. I realised that no matter how much you dislike somebody's creative work you should probably keep it to yourself. Nobody wants to hear that their efforts are being disliked. I learned that forgiveness truly is power. I saw that sometimes you have to step back from something to see the true value of it.

Righteousness is the way forwards when faced with adversity. Maintaining respect towards others in social situations is important if you wish to maintain their respect for you. From feeling angry and frustrated this morning I changed my fate and ended up smiling and happy. I've seen people I haven't see in ages. It was interesting.

I've a strength that I can use. I can speak my mind and find the best way to do it. Today I've been communicating the way I wanted to and saying what I really meant. Other people have surprised me with their views but I respected them.

If you take a liking to me that's great. If you don't like me that's fine. I'm going to follow my path and pursue my goals like it's destiny. I'm through with written rants and indirect comments about people I dislike. The way forward is honesty, positivity and strength. I'll grow into something better, something stronger.

If Life Was a High Fidelity Stereo System I'd be Wearing Headphones

I've seen mirrors that distort your appearance, make your legs seem long and your body short. I've seen the looks of frustration on the faces of passers by as they wonder why I'm so pissed off. I've seen the sun falling from the sky as the hours pass. I thought of you.

I laid back with a grin on my face, the green grass caressing my naked back. I closed my eyes. There were hundreds of people and they all knew me. I was doing all the things I said I'd do. I'd finally found what I was looking for. Smiling faces laughed as they handed me gifts with neat silk bows around them.


I've seen the future. I've seen the decline of substance abusers and the rise of hard workers. I've witnessed the demise of plans and watched as hopes wither with little intent to back them up. I've seen relationships destruct due to animosity and impatience. It doesn't matter.

I sat next to the golden mirror wondering why I dare not look into my eyes. I want to understand myself but will I like what I find? I tapped my foot and finally frustration moved my legs for me and I rose to my feet. An angry man staring into my pupils made me feel lost and afraid. I softened.

Tilting my head to one side I saw where I'd been failing. My faults and mistakes were laid out like linen on a morning field. I smiled with my mouth and my hazel eyes. My hair's getting long. I laughed out loud and thought of that smiling face. There was a whisper in my heart. It was a voice that spoke clearly but distantly. It said
'Don't let it bother you.'

Danny Wood is a Slacker

Rich!

I'm just a desperate man. I'm desperate for the truth and I'm desperate for progression. I don't know if you've heard but I'm rich! I'm loaded. I'm wealthy beyond all boundaries I ever thought I'd pass. I'm staring at my wallet. It's empty.

I've got the wealth of knowledge. I'm not educated or in university but I know what I want out of life and I know where I'm heading right now. I'm rich in character and I'm loaded with the love of the people around me.

It's a delight to learn martial arts and I never thought I'd be able to say this with sincerity but the martial arts have changed my life forever. Life isn't dull. I'm not destroying my health. I'm focusing.

It's all moving ahead. If I die tomorrow I know I've lived a great life. I've got positivity throbbing from my very attitude and it's helping me to see the light. Where will I be in ten years time? Keep watching.

Cracking Under my own Scrutiny

I punched him in the ribs. He was already hurt from the two times I punched him there last week. I'd hit the other guy's arm so hard with my arm a large purple lump formed above the forearm flexor muscles. I knelt down, laughing in hysterics. I screamed with laughter. Rich stood over me and pointed towards the door.
"Go home." I laughed harder. Had I become what I've always hated. Am I a bully?

I joke with her and my flippant attitude gets in the way of our conversations. Does she feel like I don't appreciate her enough? Do I lack in showing her that I care? Am I that insensitive? It's all a wash of confusion and I need the remedy.

I tell people I'll do something then I don't do it. I've been proclaiming that I'll do jobs and perform favours for the people in my life. I'm so inconsistent. People must be amazed at how unreliable I am.

The truth is I gaze into space and something takes over. Something matters more than those responsibilities. I get to thinking and I find myself moving forwards. I'm driven to find something exiting and interesting to do. Before I realise what's happening it's too late to do anything constructive. It's just too late.

The emotion builds up inside me and I dive inside my mind like a tunnel. No-one penetrates this lair. No-one gets close to me. I'm at the base of the tunnel hugging a blanket. I smile and I'm responsive but it's not me. I'm merely a shell of who I want to be. I want to tell you things but something always holds me back. I'm a bundle of inhibitions, afraid I'll be too controversial for your liking. You'll hate me and it'll all be my fault. If only I'd kept my big mouth shut.


I'm walking through the park. Something takes over. I stare at the shining turquoise leaves swaying in the summer afternoon air on the elephantine trees standing taller than friendly giants. My eyes grow wider and I stop walking completely. I breathe in deeply till my chest fills out and my shoulder blades relax. I breathe out and my diaphragm contracts. I put my bag down. I'm breathing deeply, focusing on my guts and my instinct. It'll all be better soon. I can rest easy. There's a remedy I'm always searching for. The truth is I'll have to accept who I am and hope others can accept that too. I'll try and understand myself better. I have to love myself. What am I without love?

Commitment

She moves her head. She's asleep.
"I cherish the day you were born" I whisper into her ear. She's smiling and her eyes open slightly. She peers into my eyes and says
"I love you Daniel Wood."


I'm walking swiftly and I'm smiling. I see my bus approaching the bus stop so I sprint. I've got a lot of energy. She's helping me to feel healthy. We're in love. The greatest thing is the fact we're connected on a deeper level now. I'm really happy about that.


We drove back from Matlock in her car. We gazed around the roadsides for a suitable place to eat. She parked the car behind a bar on Ecclesall Road. We walked in and I marveled at how great the decor looked. The barman looked confused. I had no idea why. I ordered a Pepsi with lemon and she ordered a fruit drink.

She asked me
"When do you think it's a good time to get engaged?" I'm smiling as I explain that a year might be a good time.
"A year?" She gasped. I laughed out loud. She continued to discuss engagement and ask my opinion on it. She become increasingly more serious.
"How are your peas?" I asked.
"They'd be better if I was engaged" she joked. She grinned and we both laughed.

She pretended to get on one knee and my face glowed crimson. She asked me for my phone and I laughed nervously. I'm starting to feel like she's serious. Is she? She took a seat.
"Would you like to marry me?" She asked me. I dropped my fork onto my plate and lifted my arm so the man at the next table couldn't see my eyes. I leaned forwards. My voice was quiet.
"I'd like that, yes"
"You'd like that?" I tried to speak louder but it wasn't working. I laughed nervously. She is serious. I think she's serious. I'm felt shy and embarrassed for the first time since I was a teenager.
"Yes, I'd love to marry you." Her face lit up and she smiled.

Jealousy and Hate

Some people have some serious issues. They're absorbed in their own hate and jealousy. They say things like
"She thinks she's better than everyone else" and
"He thinks he's so good looking." I feel really sorry for people like this. They're obviously very insecure about themselves and suffer from low self esteem and low self confidence. If I could help them I would. If I knew what would make them happy I'd do it. They're so unenlightened and so narrow minded. I wish them all the best in life.